Alone
by Talon-nolat
Summary: No matter how many people surround us, we can still be alone on the inside


Alone

Alone, a word that I know all too well

If there was one word to describe my life that one word would be it

I never could understand why I was meant to be alone, had I done something to anger a higher power or was it just simply because I was fit to belong in the lives of others either way my life is what it is

While it is true that I have many different people in my life who say they care for me and help me when I need them

However, if with these precious people around me that feeling of emptiness may it's because they person who they believe is their friend is nothing more than a lie

Maybe it's because for so many years this feeling of pain and emptiness has been in my heart with no one to help drive it away

I don't want others to worry about my problems, so I keep on a mask to drive away any thoughts about the pain I feel

When I see my own reflection while wearing my mask, I feel sick to my stomach

I want my friends to see me for the real me and not the person I claim to be but I am worried that if they knew the truth they leave me and I sink even farther into the void

There are times where I wonder what would happen if I were to just disappear and never be seen again

Would there be people who miss me, would anyone even care that I am gone

I once dreamed of being the Hokage, the person who would protect the village from all of those who wish to bring it harm, the one who everybody looks up to and respects

But more and more as each day passes, that dream is slowly fading from my heart as I see the people of this village for who they really are

They are people who are blind to the truth in front of them; they are people who only see me as a tool, a burden, a demon

Are these people really worth me risking my life for, d they deserve to be saved

These people, who would harm a child for something he couldn't control, stare at that child will cold eyes that pierce the soul

Those same eyes make me wish even harder that I would just simply vanish from this world in hope that the pain would stop

I even feel that Kami himself doesn't even approve of my existence

Everytime a person comes into my life, a person really there for me, a person who I know will drive the darkness from my heart

They are taken from me

The Third and more recently Jiraiya, these people were a light in the abyss of my life, they made me feel like I was meant to be born and had a chance to really be happy

But just as their lives were taken so are those feelings of belonging and hope of a better tomorrow

I often sit upon the stone heads of the Hokages and stare out onto the village

Watching families walk down the street towards home, people have fun with friends and overall just being happy

They as that home is where the heart is, if that is true then I don't have a home

My so called "home" is a single room apartment, which holds the darkness that resides in my heart

There is no one there to greet me or to see me off

No one to confront me when I am plagued by the nightmares of my life

All that exists in that room is a constant reminder of what is lacking in my life and what I might never be able to have

I find myself asking why I stay in this village, a village filled with hate and pain

The reason I don't leave is cause if there is nothing here for me, then what gives me the right to think that it is any different out in the rest of the world

I will continue to fight as a ninja of this village, not in hopes of being the best but in maybe finding a better existence

And if no such place exists for me then maybe by being a ninja I will leave this world even sooner and finally be free of all the pain and torment that grip my heart

Till that day I will going on live the lie that has become my life and don the mask of lies I have created

As long as I wear my mask and do my best to hold my heart up high, no one will ever know the pain that I feel

Maybe it is better that way, this way no one has to feel for a person who doesn't need to exist

Cause after all I was born into this world alone and thus be better if I leave this world the same way

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